Even though many singles, myself included, may not fully understand enough about why it’s important to keep the laws of shomer negiah, the Jewish dating practice of limiting physical contact until after marriage, there are many lessons to be learned from its wisdom. For non-secular Jews, marital sex is considered ideal, and premarital sex is traditionally not approved of.
Statistically, there are far more relationships that went south because the partners couldn’t connect as people. Needless to say, two people who deeply care for and are committed to each other, that find each other attractive and engaging, almost always find ways to express that physically.
Usually people who are dating for the second time around take their sweet time dating the same person. Many find that if the dating relationship continues beyond five or six dates without intimacy, one may begin to lose interest. Thousands of singles grapple with this dilemma, especially second-time-around singles who typically need to be extra-cautious before committing to marriage again.
If you’re a shomer negiah and feel that you’ve lost interest after meeting your date five times, what makes you think that you won’t lose interest if you marry again? If you are purely visual and you base compatibility on what your eyes see, what happens if there’s nothing else between you two except what your eyes appreciated?
There are a lot of societal ideas and even myths about feelings of passion and desire – Many people think hot sex is the best when you are young and attractive and it gets harder to keep it vibrant as we age. While physical changes may be inevitable – does that necessarily mean that sex after 50 will be unsatisfactory? “It’s less about how much sex we have after 50 – and more about the experience,” says sex therapist and co-host of the Intimate Judaism podcast, Talli Rosenbaum.
“Everyone’s dating story is unique and it’s important to embrace your wisdom, and seek connections that resonate with your values,” says Intimate Judaism podcast co-host Rabbi Scott Kahn. So, how do we balance our expectations and desires while healing from divorce, dating disasters, and trying to establish a new emotionally and sexually fulfilling relationship, while adhering to the notion of waiting for marriage?
If you’re someone who values Jewish teachings on intimacy or if you’re secular and dating after divorce, tune in to our conversation about dating and sex after 50, tonight on Jewish Singles Radio. Maybe you don’t subscribe to the Jewish dating practice of limiting physical contact until after marriage, but, maybe you should? It’s a powerful relationship tool for any couple that wants to get to know each other deeply and feel more clear-headed when thinking about whether a relationship makes sense.